School Bus Injuries Blamed on Fat, Ugly, Stupid, Fat Bus Drivers

Chicago- Data gathered now reveals that school bus injuries have doubled estimates from the past year, lending to the much believed speculation that bus drivers are in fact, degenerates.

Past studies have taken into account only school bus crashes and not factoring in slips and falls, jostling in the seats, Indian burns, and drivers slamming on the breaks to “keep those little fuckers honest."

Terry “Bruno” Nelson, a bus driver for 16 years, believes that the kids should be to blame. “What the hell do you want me to do when the fat kid is gettin’ a pink-belly and squealing like a pig? Not turn around? Yeah, right, it’s bad enough I have to stop at every railroad crossing, much less miss out on fat kid pranks.”

Members of the group Mom Against Dead Kids on School Busses (MADKSB) say that current bus safety laws are not keeping children safe.

“Just last year, out of the 23 million children that ride on busses, almost 10 died.” Said MADKSB spokesman Sue Dykes. “Sure, three of them had cerebral palsy, but still, that’s like 8 ½ kids. Unacceptable.”