Chicago- A recent study has shown that fat kids are not only fun to tease and punch in their blobby guts, but may also die sooner than good looking, fit children. The obese offspring are showing signs associated with heart disease, such as narrowing and hardening of the arteries, high cholesterol, diabetes, and sweating butter.
With an increasing amount of overweight children this can only lead to more cases of fat kid death and despair. And this has some organizations like It’s Not My Fault I’m Fat (INMFIF) shaking in their ginourmous boots.
“It’s amazing what being big boned can do to your health!,” said fleshy slob and founder of INMFIF, Betsy Nickels. “Our children are dying and it’s all genetics fault! Fat genes should be illegal, or there should be some cure for them, or….Holy Jesus, is that a milkshake? Are we done here?”
But this has some entrepreneurs chomping at the bit. Zeke Punchers, founder of Custom Caskets and Party Favors, is thrilled about the studies results.
“Many casketeers don’t provide small caskets. And small and wide? Forget about it. I’ve got a monopoly on dead fat kids. This is fine, handcrafted, quality shit right here.”
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