El Paso, TX- Thursday, President Bush signed a bill funding a 700 mile fence along the Mexican border and 400 “really freaky looking” scarecrows to stop illegal immigration. "The United States has not been in complete control of its borders for decades…” Bush said. And control it is, as six foot tall chain link fences are to be bought at the local Home Depot next Wednesday.
When questioned about the giant scarecrows believability, Bush remained candid:
“We thought electric fences initially, but you wouldn’t believe the red tape surrounding that one. These immigrants are a scared and hungry people, and Oooo Boy, them scarecrows will make anybody’s skin crawl. I get the jitters just thinkin’ bout ‘em.”
Critics, call the $1.2 billion project a “waste of goddamn money” and a “buttfucking shame.” Some believe funding should be directed towards more border agents, doubting the reaction time of dummies tied to a pole.
Bush disagreed, saying, “Border agents? And just where do you think we’re gonna find people willing to work in such bad conditions for low pay and long hours?”
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