Breast Implant Boom 'Not that Sweet'

Scottsdale, AZ- Studies show the amount of breast implants in women is rising dramatically every year, as self esteem is hitting an all-time low. The findings show that fake breasts are not just for gimcrack strippers anymore, and have become popular among soccer moms and housewives too.

The findings reveal that most women are inclined to partake in the surgery because of other women, and not due to pressure from men. But, experts predict such cattiness could escalate to major problems for men, as the bigger fake boobs are getting in the way of women’s traditional roles.

“You gotta think about the repercussions,” says Richard Duncan, head of the Men’s Studies Dept. in Ann Arbor. “Dishes are near impossible to do when you have to reach around Double D’s, and when it comes to ironing, it’s like they have a goddamn blindfold on! For the man who wants it all, what can you do, besides looking for a woman with dignity?”

Shallow men everywhere are alarmed by the fake tits backfire and have started to panic. “Do I want pancakes along with the pancake boobs, or nice boobs and no pancakes?” asked jerk off Brad Nitro. “It’s a question I never really thought I’d have to ask myself.”